Go deeper.

Go deeper, dig deeper for more dedication, faith, and love to be able to fall deeper in love with God. This journey that I have embarked upon to fall deeper in love with God has been a life changing. Change is hard thing to do on our own. I have a mental list of things that I want to change about myself, things I want to remove from my life, and things that I want to add to my life to become a better Christian. 

Falling in love with God has been helping me to curtail from using “colorful language”. Foul language as been a struggle for me for quite some time. Many may say that it is a small problem but for me it is a huge problem. I want to clear my mind of derragatory vocabulary because I think it takes up space in my mind that can be replaced by far more positives words and phrases.

My first steps to accomplishing this goal is to not listen to music that has the language in it. How can I try to stop cursing but the music I normally listen to constantly filters those words throughout my mind? I cant. Just like an addict who has to completely remove themselves from the people, places, and things that could cause them to relapse I have to do the same.

I want to have a clean tongue and clear mind as I fall deeper in love with God. He has shown me that it is possible and I do have the will power to overcome this battle. My tests come in forms of tempting situations that frustrate me and would normally strike a nerve with me to use the language. Now if for example something at work strikes a nerve with me I already have a web page on my computer that has various prayers about patience and the love of God. This works for me. It is helping me to better myself so that I can be better for Him.

I pray before I walk into my office everyday asking God to cover me while I am there and to guide me to be a productive employee. When I am driving I listen to my Mary Mary station on Pandora. This also helps me to stay focused on my goal and focused on pleasing God. 

I will continue to document my journey with God and share it with whom ever would like to hear about it. When I say he is working on me and through me, I mean that with every fiber of my body. So the more and more I fall for Him, a change will continue to happen. I will be unashamed of this transformation because it will reveal the real and genuine from the fake and deceitful. I encourage you to be unafraid of making other uncomfortable with the glow we have when the love of God is exuded through our physical appearance, words, personal interactions, and actions. Be fearless and courageous because you never know who you may inspire to go deeper.

Growing up in the church, a Baptist church was a way of life. As a young girl, I attended church twice a week and on Sundays as well. My great-grandmother, Ruby Davis, for as long as I have been on this earth has been a woman of faith. She is the person who introduced me to Christianity, taught me to understand the need of having a relationship with God, and that Jesus Christ is my savior. She and I have a bond, a connection unmatchable from any other relationship I have with any other person I have on this earth. Our bond grew intensely through her ministering to me as a child to be an obedient daughter to God, obedient daughter to my parents, a diligent student, and many other things. My granny drilled me on scriptures and pushed me to understand the word of God.

As a child I noticed that there were so many members of the church who were much older than I was. I observed these people and I studied them. I not only studied their words but their actions as well. The members of my home church Twelve Gates M.B. Church were genuinely kind-hearted people who actively sought out a relationship with God. Over a period of time I became to think majority of “real” Christians or “good” Christians became so after a certain age and a certain amount of life experience.

The older I became my great-grandmother would consistently and relentlessly encourage me to stay on the path God has placed me on this earth to travel. She continuously prayed for Him to watch over me as I went on into high school and off to college in Louisiana. The more freedom and independence I gained as a young woman I would always go back to my memories of the people of my home church and more and more I convinced myself that God would understand that now it was my time to live my life. I rationalized sin. I rationalized postponing my relationship with God. I had convinced myself that after I live my life then I would become that “good” Christian, that “real” Christian. Now I’m not saying that I completely threw my relationship with God to the waist side, no. What I am telling you is that everything my great-grandmother had taught me about God, set an example for me to become a Proverbs 31 woman, the fellowship she exposed me to I thought that I could put it on a shelf. I would occasionally pray, rarely fellowshipped, and rarely read the word of God. I thought that instead of turning my relationship with God up to a level 10 as I became of age and would face some of the toughest challenges that would have brought me closer to God, I consciously chose to turn it down to level 5 or 6 to give myself the green light to live my life.

Now that I am maturing more and growing I have come to see that being a “good” Christian, a “real” Christian doesn’t begin after I have lived my life, it started from the day I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior. As young women so many of us make the mistake of having pity parties wondering why we are single with no prospective husband, why we do not have the career we want, just why we aren’t where we want to be in life. These things happen to us and we are plagued with trying to answer questions that we only know of one source that can answer it for us, God. Its like we are all lined up against a wall voluntarily banging our heads up against a concrete wall asking ourselves, “Why is this happening to me?” We all so very often ask for God to bless our sinful actions knowing good and well we shouldn’t be doing it in the first place. I heard a church member say in bible study tonight, “If God is love, then how can you make love in sin? You can’t. It is impossible!”

At 25 years old I have become tired of trying to do things my way. I am tired of finding myself in the same situations yielding the same results. Doing things my way hasn’t worked in my favor. My reluctant behavior to boldly face the challenge of pursuing a relationship with God has become old and played out. I want better for myself and I know that God wants better for me. Change doesn’t come over night nor does deliverance. I am a work in progress. I am working to walk a path that I will be proud to walk and that in this moment I will strive to be that “good” Christian, that “real” Christian. I have charged myself with the challenge of not putting of a relationship with God until tomorrow because we all know that tomorrow is not promised.

I hope that these words of truth touch at least one persons heart who been saying, “Oh I’ll get right with God tomorrow.” Get right with God today!

justanordinarygirrrlll:

February 5, 1990

Columbia University graduate and Harvard University law student Barack Obama became the first African American named president of the Harvard Law Review.

(via blackfashion)