True story. I felt my rock bottom one year ago, almost to the day. But as I look around me now and how far I have come as a mother, a friend, a person in general… I know without any doubt that my struggles have made me stronger and have put me exactly where I belong, and with who I belong with. #rockbottom #rebuild #lifegoeson #strongerthanever #beautifulmess #noregrets
I know what hard work feels like, and it doesn’t scare me. Time to stop being lazy and coming up with excuses like not being able to afford a gym membership… I can still work out at home if I make the time. Minor back slides are okay, but I will never, ever get back to my first before picture. I follow instagrams like @sammybfit and @iriefitgirl and @jhopkins1986 that give me the inspiration and motivation to pick up where I left off and keep pushing to be the best me I can be. One day at a time :)
First of all, I’ll be sparing the details of how he was actually MADE. Secondly, his name is not going to really be Pedro… That’s just his currently nickname :) I found out in June that I was expecting. I wasn’t sure how to feel, honestly. I was happy because Mike and I had just moved into our new place and I just landed a full time job. I was worried because we were both still right in the middle of our divorces, not making a whole lot of money, and still already had four other mouths to feed. Could we really handle a fifth? We eventually came to the conclusion that, for us, the timing couldn’t have been worse.
Let’s go back a little bit. When I was married to my now ex husband, we were stationed in Great Lakes, Illinois for 3 years. One of my neighbors, Erin, and I because very close. To this day she is easily one of the very best friends I’ve ever had. Without diving too much into her personal life, I will simply say that she and her husband, Pete, have suffered incredibly loss in their journey to start a family together. Fast forward to this year… Me sitting at home thinking about what I can do in my current situation, knowing that abortion would NEVER be an option. Then her face pops into my head.
Duh. Of course.
This baby I was unexpectedly blessed with wasn’t meant to be mine. He was meant to be theirs.
I had half jokingly told her once if I ever got pregnant again (after having three of my own) that she better be ready to have a baby because it would be hers. Little did I know that I’d ever be able to make that a reality for her.
After talking things over with Mike, we finally decided that this was the best option. We can’t give this baby the best quality of life in our current situation, and I know Pete and Erin can. Someday we’d like to entertain the idea of having a baby together, when we are more stable and financially secure.
I don’t look at our decision as giving away our baby, as many people seem to. I look at it as completing another family for someone who so completely deserves it. There are way too many ass clowns that have kids and don’t deserve them, and an equal number of people who suffer from various issues that prevent them from becoming parents. I don’t think that’s fair. I might only be able to make things right for this one family, but they will forever be an extension of our family. I don’t need other peoples approval. I have all the peace I need with the decision we have made.
Pedro is one lucky kid.
I suppose it’s about time I start posting on here, huh? Well, this is me! This is the me I was back in April anyway, current me is a bit different :) More on that to come. But for now, here I am. I am the happiest I have ever been after the journey I’ve been on for the past year or so, and I know there is just more awesomeness to come in the future. I owe much of that to the man in this photo. The one who rescued my heart and repaired it in places I never knew it was so badly damaged. I’m far from perfect, and will probably never be completely whole, but I’m about as close as I’ll ever get thanks to this wonderful man who I am so incredibly blessed to call my own. This will have to do for now as my intro to Tumblr… More to come :))